Feroskid
In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning a farmer named Donald…
Lawyer : Didn’t you say, at the moment of the accident, ‘I’m fine.’
Donald : Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the…
Lawyer (interrupted) : I did not ask you for any details, just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’
Donald : Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…
The lawyer (interrupted again) : Judge, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Donald’s answer and said to the lawyer “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”
Donald thanked the judge and proceeded :
Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this huge semi-truck ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. When the highway patrolman came on the scene he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, ‘How are you feeling?’
Now what the Bleep would you say?
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:40amOnFeb 23
Waiter : Sir, how is the food of our restaurant ?
Customer : Good, delicious like lip licking, but… .
Waiter : But, what Sir ?
Customer : But, after receiving the bill, it is lip biting !
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:41amOnFeb 23
Customer : Waiter, There’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : Don’t worry Sir, You don’t have to pay the extra bill for the fly !!
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:42amOnFeb 23
In a restaurant a customer is drinking tea….
Customer : Hey waiter, why the dead fly is in the bottom of my cup.
Waiter : I think the fly don’t know how to swim !
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:04amOnFeb 24
An educated son and his illiterate father went on a camping trip. They setup their tent and fell asleep. After a few hours father woke his son and asked…
Father : Look up the sky and tell me what are you seeing ?
Son : I am seeing millions of stars .
Father : What does that mean to to you ?
Son : Astronomically, it means that there are millions of galaxies and planets in the space.
Father : Idiot ! Someone has stolen our tent.
1 Like
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:05amOnFeb 24
An Inspector has come to a village to inspect a school. Entered in to the class eight classroom and asked a question to a student…
Inspector : What is the name of our President ?
Student : Norendra Modi.
Inspector : I’ve asked you the name of our President.
Student : Pesident ? Sir, Soniya Gandhi.
Inspector : How you’ve promoted to class eight ? I’ll expel you from this school.
Student : Sir, how you’ll expel me ? I am not the student of any school.
Inspector : (Angry) What ? Are you not the student anymore ? What does this mean ?
Student : Ya, I’m a cow boy and and bring my cattle to the school field for grazing. Sir told me that he’ll give me 10 rupees to sit in the classroom.
Inspector : Bo ! Mr. teacher, you should be ashamed. Are you starting business with education ? I’ ll fire you.
Class Teacher : Yoo ! You can’t fire me. I’m not the teacher. Have you seen a grocery shop in-front of the school gate ? That is mine. The original teacher told me that a man would come from town and just stay and sit in the classroom, he needs to go to the market.
The inspector became angry and went to the Head Master’s room.
Inspector : Are you the head master of this school ?
Head Master : Any problem sir ?
Inspector : What are you doing this ? Conducting this school with some fake teachers and students.
Head Master : Sorry sir ! Actually I’m not the head master. My uncle is the original head master. He is a land broker also, and gone to other village with his customer to visit a land. He told me to give this one thousand rupees bundle to you, if you come to visit this school.
Inspector : (Happy) Okay , I am not saying anything to you all. But next time I’ll not forgive you. Actually I am not the inspector, the original inspector is my uncle also. He is now too busy with his construction business. Today he has gone to the City Corporation to drop the tender. He told me to visit this school on behalf of him !!
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:07amOnFeb 24
Newly Married Couple
Its 11 a.m.
As one newly married couple are not being out from bride chamber, the parents of groom are a little worried because of not being come out to their newly married elder son !
Father is ashamed to call him and asked to his younger son,
Father : Did you see your elder brother?
Younger Son : I have not seen in the morning. However, in the last middle night I saw him once !!
Father : Say what !! How did you see him?
Younger Son : Last night, my brother came to me for ‘ Vaseline ‘.
Father : Did you give him Vaseline?
Younger Son : I gave, but..
Father : But?
Younger son : Getting up in the morning, I’m unable to find out the container of Glue which was kept just beside the Vaseline.
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:08amOnFeb 24
Three fathers are talking about their sons career….
1st Father : My son is doing well in his business and has earned a lot of properties and money. He earned as much as he has gifted a house to one of his friend in the last month.
2nd Father : My son also earned a lot by doing business. He also gifted an expensive hotel suit to one of his friend in the last month.
3rd Father : Although my son is not a business man , he has earned a huge and is in a good position in his career. Also the income and earning is so good that he gifted a Jaguar car to one of his friend.
Meanwhile another friend of these three fathers has presented on there. The three fathers asked their friend about his son’s career.
4th Father : (Angrily said) Please don’t ask about that scoundrel . He has destroyed my honor. He is a gay.. but the income and earnings are not bad. In the last month he has being a owner of a house, a Presidential suit and a Jaguar car !
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:10amOnFeb 24
This is Business.
Father : I want you to marry a girl on my choice.
Son : No
Father : The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.
Son : Then ok
Father goes to Bill Gates
Father : I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates : No
Father : My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates : Then ok
Father goes to the president of the World Bank
Father : Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President : No !
Father : He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President : Then ok.
1 Like
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:40amOnFeb 28
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and a female friend:
GIRL: I need a sugar Daddy who doesn’t want to have sex with me
Akpos : Follow these steps:
1. Enter a provision shop
2. Buy one or two cups of sugar
3. Go home and pour all on your daddy.
1 Like
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:41amOnFeb 28
Akpos is crazy guy ooh.
The following conversation ensued him and a tourist in Lagos.
Tourist: Can you please show me the way to the mortuary?
Akpos: Oh that’s easy. Just close your eyes and cross the road. You will be there in no time
Lol. Akpos no go kill person ooh.
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:43amOnFeb 28
A girl came skipping to home from school one day…
Daughter : Mommy, Mommy, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 !
Mom : Very good.
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde ?
Mom : Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.
The next day the girl came skipping to home from school….
Daughter : Mommy, mommy, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to G, but I said it to N. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L M, N !
Mom : Very good.
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy ?
Mom : Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.
The next day the girl came skipping to home from school…
Daughter : Mommy, Mommy, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these ! (She lifted her tank top to reveal a fully developed chest ).
Mom : Very good !
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde, mommy ?
Mom : No Honey, it’s because you’re 18 !
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:44amOnFeb 28
American President, Donald Trump decided to paint the White House and hence availed the project for contractors worldwide to send in their bid.
A Chinese contractor bided 3,000 USD,
An European contractor says he will need 7,000 USD for the job;
Akpos, an African contractor who is based mainly in Ghana and Nigeria says he will take 10,000 USD.
Each of the contractors was asked to give details of their budget.
Below is their budget breakdown:
Chinese: 500 USD for painting materials; 2,000 USD to pay my workers and 500 USD as my workmanship -I will hire 4 people.
European: 5,000 USD for painting materials, equipment/machinery; 1,000 USD for the machine operator and 1000 USD as my workmanship.
Akpos: (He whispered into the president’s ear)- I will give you Donald Trump, 4,000 USD; I will take 3,000 USD as workmanship and give the remaining 3,000 USD to the Chinese to complete the project.
Trump was confused.
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):11:45amOnFeb 28
The following conversation ensued Akpos, an envagelist and a Chinese man:
Evangelist Akpos: How are you?
Chinese Man: I fine.
Evangelist Akpos : Do you know Jesus Christ?
Chinese Man: No. But you give me sample, I make for you.
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his son:
Son: Daddy who is an idiot?
Akpos: an idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a way that another person who is listening can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No!
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):12:48pmOnMar 01
Two friends are talking….
Boltu : You know, my grandfather is a brave man. He went to the jungle of Africa in the last summer and suddenly confronted by a tiger.
Montu : Really ! After return he must be applauded by everyone ?
Boltu : I did not say that he came back.
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):12:49pmOnMar 01
Two friends are talking..
1st Friend : I would like to give something to Angela for valentines day. Please tell me what should I give ? I wanna give her such a thing which she would like very much.
2nd Friend : Angela likes you ?
1st Friend : Too much.
2nd Friend : You can give her anything. It’s clear that Angela’s tastes and preferences are not so good.
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):12:50pmOnMar 01
Two friends are talking…
1st Friend : Girls are like examination of school to me .
2nd Friend : Why ?
1st Friend : Complex, not easily understood, a lot of questions, the answers are always doubtful !
Re: Chronicles Of Jokesby preciousuweh(m):12:51pmOnMar 01
If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates,
COCKROACH: “Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!”
Cat: “My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don’t even remember”
Mosquito: “I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking”
Chicken: “If tomorrow I didn’t updating my status, means I’m being served at KFC. Love you all ”
Pig: “Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! ”
Goat : “Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon”.
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